25 May 2014

Don't Be An Enabler

This article is part of Kallan's wonderful Sunday Stew. Please hop on over and read all the different flavors added by each chef. I know that you will love it!

I know that I wrote a small blog about this subject earlier this week....but I didn't say everything that I was feeling. I feel like I left out quite a bit, because I was (and am) still processing my anger.

I lost a friend this past week. No, we were no longer speaking, but I still counted her as my friend. She was a drug user. She USED to be an RN. She still had her sweetness. She still would do anything to help anyone. But, she just couldn't help her own self. I want to tell this story, in hopes that it will help someone. I am not telling this to drag her through the dirt. I want people to know that ignoring things does not help people. That joining them in their lives will not save them. I won't be using her name, mainly for her children's sakes.

My friend was beautiful. She was caring. She was helpful. She spiraled in oblivion, like an angel with wings that she broke with self-hate. Two years ago, I tried to help her. I paid a huge price of losing her friendship, but I had to make a decision. 

At the time I knew that she was a past user. She had danced a death dance with cocaine, and had told everyone that she overcame the addiction. She stole script pads from her employment and lost her job. She was no longer a nurse. But, she said she overcame it. 

Then she scrambled to right herself. That's the picture she painted for everyone, that she was righting herself. This was the picture that I saw. That she had gotten an apartment, had settled down with her young daughter, and she was making it all work. We went sledding in the winter, we helped her put some things in storage, we made plans to spend Christmas together. 

However, she would visit people and just fall asleep. She was scatterbrained. She would be hopping one minute and sleeping the very next. She kept her 5 year old out til 2 in the morning, making runs to who knows where. The child was falling asleep in her classroom, grouchy. The child was waking up and feeding herself chocolate and water because there wasn't an adult that could woken from their drug stupor to feed her. There were other things that happened that helped me make a decision with what needed to be done.

I helped a sister get custody of the child. I had hopes that this would fuel her to get better. I wanted her to get better. I wanted her to be the mommy she was supposed to be. I wanted her to turn her life around. 

But, during the trial, she had convinced friends to stand up for her. She had told them that Benadryl, and not Opana, was her problem. How could she, the sweet girl that would help anyone, be using such hard drugs. Over and over and over she convinced people of these things, while vilifying the people that were trying to help her. We were horrible. We were mean. How could we do such things!? And that was fine with me, if I had to be the evil one, then I would wear that badge with pride. I finally decided that if she wanted to kill herself she could but she was not going to take an innocent child with her. 

Soon after this she was able to regain her unsupervised visitation with the child. On the way to take the child back to her aunt, she had to pull off the road to pass out. When she finally woke up after the child slapped her face and screamed repeatedly, she pulled back on the road and was quickly pulled over by the police. She only had a two hour visitation a week and she could not stay sober long enough for that. 

After that incident, her drug use spiraled out of complete control. She went full force with it. And people were still lying to themselves about her. They were still listening to her lies. She went to skin and bones, hollow eyes, but still how could she be doing this. After all, she is just so sweet. 

And still after her death, these same enablers, these same fellow drug users, they are oblivious. My friend that couldn't keep the needles that killed her out of her body, is now being made into a saint. Her body was so abused that she had to be cremated. They helped her to her death with denial and now they make her to be a saint. It sickens me. There are now children without a mother and these enablers are still just as purposefully oblivious as they always were. Some of them even did drugs with her, but yet they stand by and ask "What killed her?"

Another friend of mine said (loose quote) "Nothing brings saintdom and martyrdom quicker than death"  This is my third friend that I have lost in the past two years to drug use. Each one of them all have the same type of enablers standing around and scratching their heads asking what happened. They are oblivious. They stand around and say how wonderful this person was and still dance around the truth. That is the true sadness. That is what causes the death of these people. For every one person that wants to help, there are 3 standing in the shadows telling this person that they are doing just fine, that they aren't doing anything wrong. Then they stand back and watch this person commit a slow suicide.

So please, if you have a person like this in your life, don't enable them. Don't sit back and watch them commit suicide. Don't accept their excuses. Don't blow off the people helping them. 

I know these people can't be helped until they want to be helped. But, don't enable them. Don't stand back in willful ignorance. Don't make excuses for them. Don't help them vilify the ones that want them to have help. Remember: Enabling isn't just handing people money, it's also listening to their lies and helping to act like they are the truth.

21 May 2014

Goodbye to a friend

Today I got a phone call that someone that I had once called one of my very best friends had passed away. I was not shocked. I knew this was coming. I just didn't know when.

You see she had a sickness. It was a self-created sickness, but it was a sickness all the same. I once loved her like my own sister. I will miss THAT sister, not the one that passed last night. The one that passed last night....that wasn't her. That was her self-abused shell. That was a shadow of her. ..her shadow gobbled her whole.

I hope she has found the peace that she could never find here. Good bye, old friend. I will miss who you once were. I will miss the kindness you once had. Your intelligence. Your humor. Your beauty.

I am sorry that you couldn't pull yourself out of that dark pit that you dug. I am sorry that you never found that self love. I am sorry that we lost each other along the way, and never really said goodbye. May you find rest and love and peace in your further journey. May you shake that shadow and shine like a star in the night sky.

11 May 2014

Full Flower Moon and Altar Box Craft

This article is part of Kallan's wonderful Sunday Stew. Please hop on over and read all the different flavors added by each chef. I know that you will love it!

Aaaaahhhh, Spring is FINALLY in the air. And by Spring, I mean pollen.

The bees, butterflies,  hummingbirds, and the pollen are zipping happily through the air. Why? Flowers! The flowers have returned to us. They are becoming more and more abundant and they are making the gray of winter just a memory. We have green fields dotted with pinks, reds, yellows, blues, whites and purples. The soft petals are drifting through the wind and lying about on the pavement. The flowers are showing how much life they have in the velvety decor on the ends of their green stems.

May's full moon is the Full Flower Moon. The reason, of course, is the arrival of the flowers. Our flower beds are filled with them and more are arriving every day. I just love it. I have Fall as my favorite season, but Spring is definitely my second.

Flowers are life. They have a use by the plant they adorn. In turn, they also give life to the bees and the butterflies and they hummingbirds, and of course to us. We wouldn't have fruit and veggies without those little flowers.

They are also written about by poets and authors. They are used to mark celebrations. Birthdays, parades, anniversaries, graduations, births, deaths.....they all are decorated with flowers. You tell people that you love them, that you are sorry, congratulations, happy birthday, I miss you, I hate you, I like you, welcome back, and toodles with flowers.

I thought we would take a look at a few quotes about flowers, the meaning of some, and then make a floral altar box.

These quotes are all very telling. They speak volumes on how people feel about flowers.This is why flowers are used in so many life stepping points, they mean things to people. They comfort, they celebrate, the make people happy.

"Fairies use flowers for their charactery."
~William Shakespeare, The Merry Wives of Windsor

"Every flower is a soul blossoming in nature."
~Gerard De Nerval

"A flower cannot blossom without sunshine, and man
cannot live without love."
~Max Muller

"Flowers always make people better, happier, and more
helpful; they are sunshine, food and medicine for the soul."
~Luther Burbank

"Earth laughs in flowers."
~Ralph Waldo Emerson

"Flowers are restful to look at. They have neither emotions nor 
~Sigmund Freud

"I am going to try to pay attention to the spring. I am going to look
around at all the flowers, and look up at the hectic trees. I am going
to close my eyes and listen."
~Anne Lamott

"You're only here for a short visit. Don't hurry, don't worry.  And be sure
to smell the flowers along the way."
~Walter Hagen

“I know a bank where the wild thyme blows,
Where oxlips and the nodding violet grows,
Quite over-canopied with luscious woodbine,
With sweet musk-roses and with eglantine.” 
~ William Shakespeare, A Midsummer Night's Dream

Here's a Native American Flowering Moon Festival from 2013

Flowers can also be used for symbolism and spellwork. They each have their own meaning. I'll give a few:

Bachelor's Buttons: Love
Daffodil: Love, Fertility,  Fidelity
Daisy: Luck, Innocence, purity, loyal love
Jasmine: Love, Money, Prophetic Dreams
Lavender: Love, Protection, Sleep, Chastity, Longevity, Purification,
Lilac: Exorcism, Protection
Lily: protection, breaking Love spells, purity of the heart
Lily of the Valley: Mental Powers, Happiness, sweetness
Marigold: Protection, Prophetic Dreams, Legal Matters, Psychism
Primrose: Protection, Love
Rose: Love, Psychic Powers, Healing, Love, Divination, Protection, thankfulness, desire
SpiderWort: Love
Sunflower: Fertility, Wishes, Health, Wisdom, power, warmth
Violet: Protection, Luck, Love, Wishes, Peace, Healing, faithfulness,
Yarrow: Courage, Love, Psychic Powers, Exorcism

I found THIS SITE. It has all kinds of information that was done on the study of flowers and some in depth flower meanings.

You may also want to dry eating some flowers in your salads. It's the food of the fae.

Here's an article that was on yahoo:

Eat More Flowers


How to make spring flower lollipops

42 Flowers You Can Eat

Flower Popsicles

More Flower Popsicles

Before you eat your flowers, please make sure that they are organic and have not been sprayed with pesticide poison.

Now for the craft. I thought I would make a nice spring altar box to honor the moon.

Items needed:

Coffee filters
Acrylic paint in your choice of colors
A wooden box of your choice
Hot glue

This craft cost around a total of $10.00-$12.00 depending on the size box you get.

Here's my box.

First thing that I want to do is basecoat the box. I decided that I wanted to make it look like a color stain, so I watered down my blue paint and just lightly coated it.

I also did the same thing to the inside.

Next I painted a moon on the lid. I just painted a white circle, let that dry. Doppled some gray on top to make moon craters. Then I floated some watered down white around the moon to give it that moon glow.

Now, while that's drying I will dye my white coffee filters. All you need to do to dye your coffee filters is get a bowl of water and put a bit of acrylic paint in it and mix it up. Alternately, you can use food coloring. For my flower colors I chose pink and yellow. I'm making small roses. For the stem, I chose a green color.

Here are my colored waters mixed.

Take your coffee filters and place them in the water one at a time and let them float for a few minutes. 
When you think they look good, take them out and put them on paper towels and also cover with paper towels and press them. Lay them out separately to dry. It will only take about 15 minutes.

When they are dry, you will begin making your roses and stems. You want to rip strips of the filter. It doesn't have to be long, just the width of the filter is fine. It doesn't matter about rough edges, I'm using the edges to make the rose look bloomed.

Take the strip and begin rolling it. As you roll it, make the outer edge of the roll turn out. 

After you have rolled the rose. Take a tiny bit of hot glue and glue the end to the rose. When you have it rolled, turn the rose and look at the bottom. You want to trim that bit of the rose off, so that it will glue flat to the box.

Now, to make your stem, you will take your green filter and and just twist it tightly. 

Now place your roses and main stem where you want them on the box and glue them down. After you have placed those, you can twist shorter ones for the individual stems.

I didn't like the color of my stems, I didn't think that they dyed a dark enough green, so I went over them with a darker green with a small paintbrush. That's why the stem looks two different colors.

Still placing the roses and stems.

For leaves, just cut out small rectangles and then trim them to diamond leaf shapes. Just dot the bottom of one with a small amount of glue and place where you think they look best.

Now add some stars to your sky and around your moon for a magical sprinkle look.

Now you'll want to pick a quote to paint on the front of the box. I chose one by Jean Ingelow.....it says, "The moon looks upon many night flowers, the night flowers see but one moon."

Then I decided to add just a few more stars and a couple of dragonflies and my box is now finished! I'm really happy with the way it turned out, it's just how I envisioned it. 

I hope that you enjoyed this full moon's craft.

Brightest blessings,